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February 2025
Building Confidence Through Consistent Actions Without Faking It Till You Make It
Growing up, I was the shy kid — the one who blended into the background, terrified of speaking up. Social situations felt overwhelming, and I used to believe confidence was something you were either born with or not, a bit like having blue eyes or being tall.
From Wallflower to Confidence Coach: My Rather Unexpected Journey
But here’s something I discovered as I got older and particularly through my journey to becoming a Master NLP Practitioner: confidence isn’t some mystical, unchangeable trait that the universe randomly bestows upon the lucky few.
It’s a state and anyone can develop confidence through consistent, intentional actions and the right guidance.
I’m not saying it’s easy or that there’s an overnight ‘fix’ to increasing feelings of confidence but over time and with practice it can be done.
The Turning Point: Why I Decided to Change
For years, I let fear and self-doubt hold me back, just wishing I was more confident. But there came a moment when I realised, if I wanted a different outcome, I had to take different actions.
Confidence isn’t something that’s just going to be there one morning, it’s something you actively build up though daily choices.
Small steps, taken consistently, can rewire how we think and feel about ourselves. And that’s where real transformation happens.
The Science Behind Building Unshakeable Confidence
- The Power of Tiny Triumphs
I used to hate the thought of speaking up in group meetings. Like going on a new course – on that first day, inevitably we’d be asked to introduce ourselves and say what we wanted to get out of the course or something similar. It was awful!
As each person stood up, and it was getting closer and closer to my turn to speak, my heart would be racing, my palms sweating and this panic that I’d just talk so quickly or stutter so that no one could understand what I was saying.
But no matter how much I didn’t like it, I kept making myself get involved in different situations. These tiny actions stacked up and slowly shifted my self-image, and over time they look like one giant, remarkable transformation.
This idea of compounding small actions is supported by research into habit formation. James Clear, in Atomic Habits, explains how small, consistent habits create long-lasting change. Studies, such as those by Wood and Neal (2007), delve into how repeated actions rewire the brain, helping new behaviours stick.
Try This: Choose one small, brave action each day. Perhaps introducing yourself to someone new at the school gates or sharing your opinion.
- Reframing Those Wobbly Moments
Every stumble I made, felt like proof I wasn’t confident. But one of the most brilliant things NLP taught me was how to view these ‘mistakes’ as learning opportunities.
Yes, there were still moments I felt really uncomfortable, but when I stopped telling myself how awful I was because of my lack of confidence I could then look for the feedback and how I could do it better next time.
Whatever ‘level’ you’re at and no matter what you’re trying to learn, there is no success without failure first. It’s just part of the learning curve, if you can view failures as opportunities to learn and grow, it can transform your self-perception and performance. Rather like learning to ride a bicycle – those initial wobbles are actually helping you find your balance.
Try This: After any uncomfortable moment, ask yourself: “What did I learn? How can it help me do better next time?”
- Creating Confidence Anchors (A bit of NLP magic)
One of my favourite bits of NLP wizardry is something called ‘anchoring’ – think of it as creating your own confidence switch. Anchoring is supported by studies into NLP techniques; researchers Andreas and Andreas (1989) demonstrated how associating a physical trigger with a desired emotional state can help people access that state more easily.
In essence a physical trigger, such as pressing your thumb and finger together, or the smell of an essential oil, when specifically and consistently applied when you naturally feel a certain emotion will, over time, help you access that emotion on demand e.g. confidence!
Try This: Think of a time when you felt absolutely unstoppable. Really step back into that moment, feeling those feelings of triumph. Now, as you feel that energy, smell that essential oil or gently squeeze your thumb and first finger together. Practice this regularly, and you’ll have your very own confidence boost on tap!
4. Leveraging Physiology for Instant Confidence
One of the fastest ways to feel more confident is to change how you hold and use your body. Shoulders back, head up, deep breaths. When you move like a confident person, your brain catches up and can transform your entire state.
This made such a quick and impactful difference to my own self-confidence that I’ve added a video training to the Guides section of my free Facebook group, The Fulfilment Seekers Collective.
It includes a simple exercise you can use immediately to feel more empowered and shows you how you can model specific physiology to help boost your own levels of self-confidence. If that sounds interesting, feel free to join here.
- The Art of Gentle Persistence
Confidence doesn’t come from massive leaps, but from consistent steps. You can’t expect perfection on your first go; some days you’ll feel unstoppable and others you’ll want to shrink back – but keep showing up, keep practicing, and before you know it, you’ll look back and realise just how far you’ve come.
I remember feeling absolutely mortified after fumbling through my first networking event. But instead of hiding away (which was seriously tempting), I kept showing up. Each time got a tiny bit easier, until one day I realised I was actually quite enjoying myself!
Try This: Set yourself one small challenge each week. Perhaps it’s speaking up in that monthly team meeting or finally booking that photography course you’ve been eyeing up.
Remember: focus on progress, not perfection. Take one tiny, wobbly step forward and celebrate the effort, not just the outcome.
Confidence Is a Practice, Not a Trait
Ready to Start Building Your Confidence?
If you’re finding these insights helpful and are curious about what more is possible, I’d love to support you further. Through one-to-one coaching, we can:
– Create your bespoke confidence blueprint
– Address those pesky limiting beliefs (we all have them!)
– Use practical techniques tailored just for you
– Transform those moments of self-doubt into unshakeable confidence
Confidence isn’t something you wait for. It’s something you build — so let’s get going. 💖
You can read more about my coaching here, or contact me directly to ask your questions or set up a discovery call by emailing me at pippa@mamas-mojo.co.uk.